To foreplay or not to foreplay? That is the question that can divide a nation. Some people can’t get enough foreplay, while others could do without it. And I question why the latter people think like this. Maybe you guys have just had crappy foreplay! I truly believe if you experience invigorating, sensual foreplay, you’ll want to do it again and again. And again.
What’s the big deal about foreplay?
For a lot of us, penis-havers or vulva-havers, foreplay is the key to good sex. It puts us in the mood; it turns us on. It makes us horny for more. Think of it in terms of playing sports. Do athletes just go into a race with no warm up? Hell no! First of all, they will do a few stretches and run a few laps to get their body used to moving. It’s the same with foreplay; it gets your body in the right mindset for having sex.
What counts as foreplay?
Foreplay includes anything that leads up to sex. This could be physical things such as cuddling, caresses, and kissing, or it could be non-physical things such as sending your partner a dirty text, whispering in their ear what you want to do to them, and watching porn together.
But here’s the thing about foreplay … it can be the main course!
Many of us see foreplay as the appetizer before the main meal of sex. But foreplay is sometimes the best part for many of us. This is the part when sparks fly around your body as that initial wave of arousal captures all of your senses. And it’s a magical feeling. For a lot of us vulva-having people, it’s not possible to orgasm through penetration alone, so we need other stimulation to get us there. Foreplay is where it’s at. So next time someone tries to go from zero to one hundred with you, slow them down and ask for an appetizer for your main course.
How to have amazing foreplay
The best thing about foreplay is that you can really tailor it to the individual. There are so many different ways to turn someone on that you will never get bored. No foreplay session will ever be the same.
Non-physical foreplay can be a great way to subtly turn your partner on. Here are some great non-physical things to do:
- Send them a flirty text.
- Send them a flirty photo.
- Give them ‘the look’. Everyone has an expression they use when they want to have sex. Use it on your partner when they least expect it.
- Put on a raunchy film or porn.
- Talk to your partner; yes, talk to them. Sometimes just listening to your partner using their sexy voice can be a turn-on.
- Wear an outfit you know your partner loves on you.
Physical foreplay techniques
- Cuddle with your partner
- Kiss or make out with your partner
- Give your partner a sensual massage
- Play with their hair
- Touch and caress their body on top of their clothes
- Finger a woman’s vagina / Stroke a man’s penis
- Squeeze their butt
- Kiss and bite their neck
- Play with beautiful sex toys
- Suck their earlobes and moan in their ear.
Tips for Sensual Foreplay
You can use all of the tips above and still mess up foreplay if you go too fast. The key to good foreplay is making it sensual and taking it slow. Women in particular benefit from a slow warmup to sex, so going too fast can make all of the techniques their partner uses redundant. So, take it slow and enjoy!
Make sure you have enough time.
Similar to going slow, you should also make sure you have set aside enough time. Foreplay shouldn’t be rushed, and if you have a time limit looming over you, neither of you will be able to fully be in the moment.
Use soft touches
Going slow and using soft caresses go hand in hand. Going gentle at first teases the senses and builds arousal slowly, which is the most delicious feeling. Slow and steady wins the race, after all!
Look into their eyes.
One of the best ways to connect to your partner during foreplay is to look into their eyes. Not only will it turn them on, but you will also be able to understand what they’re feeling. You can tell a lot about how someone is feeling just by looking into their eyes. They don’t say the eyes are the windows to the soul for nothing.
Tease the five senses
We tend to focus on the sense of touch during foreplay and sex, but we can actually make use of the other four senses, too: You can tease your partner’s sense of vision by removing an item of clothing seductively in front of them. With the sense of smell, you can wear a sexy perfume. For the sense of hearing, while you suck on their earlobe, moan or whisper into their ear. And let’s not forget about the sense of taste; feed them chocolate-covered strawberries or make them lick whipped cream off your body. There are so many ways to tease the senses; get creative and try to include all five in your foreplay sesh!
Final remarks …
So how can you have amazing, out-of-this-world foreplay? Take your time and commit to the moment. Look into your partner’s eyes to read how they feel. If you’re not sure, ask them if what you’re doing is okay or what they want. Also, think of foreplay as the main event, and don’t try to race to the finish line. Enjoy the moment and just focus on giving your partner pleasure; the main event will happen when it happens.
One last but very important thing to consider: Always ask for consent. We talk about asking for consent when it comes to sexual intercourse, but foreplay can be a bit of a gray area. To make it clearer, just think this: anything of any sexual nature requires consent. Make sure that your partner is on board with what you’re doing. This is why going slowly can be beneficial in this case. It gives your partner time to say if they consent or not and to what degree of foreplay they consent to. If you move in at one hundred miles per hour and go straight for touching their breasts, it might be a bit of a shock for them!